If you want to feel (and actually BE) respected, honored, and considered in your relationships, healthy boundaries are a must have.
So why is it that so many of us don’t have these healthy boundaries and standards in our lives and relationships? I’ve noticed many clients shy away from boundaries, because they can be uncomfortable to set and maintain. Many have first said to me, “…I don’t like confrontation…”, before growing their confidence and skill-level in our work together to the point where they understand how they can stand up for themselves in their relationships without compromising their values.
Sometimes we shy away from implementing boundaries, because we’re not sure what it is we really want and need yet. To set strong boundaries, it’s imperative you identify what‘s important to you and worth protecting (according to your standards-which we help you identify and establish), so you can then communicate that properly to the person/people you’re in relationship with. If you have no clue what your standards are or what you need, you might feel anxious, overwhelmed, and constantly in fear of getting what you don’t want. The key is to actively identify and facilitate what you do want instead.
Sometimes, and very often at that, we don’t want to risk the reaction of the other person when we set strong boundaries and how we know that will then make us feel. I get it, because this is the reason that used to keep me from setting and maintaining personal boundaries and standards in my own relationships. I didn’t have the skills then to regulate and self-soothe when I’d become overwhelmed at someone’s disappointment in me or misunderstanding of my motives. I was so used to suffering in silence that I honestly believed it’d be better for me to be uncomfortable or unhappy, because ‘I could handle it’ rather than for the other person to possibly feel disrespected, unloved, or problematic. However, I can promise you: nothing is going to change until you do.
Once I learned the personal and relational mastery (skills, confidence, practice, and support) that I now teach within the Self Care SOS Recovery Program, I finally began to see the shift in my platonic, romantic, and familial relationships that I’d been practically begging for but didn’t realize I wasn’t aligned with.
You don’t need permission to stand up for yourself and set strong boundaries in your relationships, but just in case you were looking for some encouragement here it is.
At Healthier Place, PLLC boundary setting, effective communication, and assertiveness training are integral parts of our Self Care SOS Recovery Program. You can get more information about our programs and services in a FREE consult by heading to our website, scrolling to the bottom of any page, and filling out the short referral form! We understand that without these important skills no true shift in your relationships can take place. Without this shift you cannot obtain the respect and fulfillment you’ve been craving within yourself and from your relationships! After almost a decade of helping others learn, practice, and master these skills, we’re confident we can help you break through the fear, discomfort, confusion, and anxiety and set the kind of boundaries that change your life for the BETTER—because you deserve it.
With love,
Marie MFT
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