We hear so much about toxic relationships with others, like unhealthy romantic interests, snake-in-the-grass kinds of friends, or backstabbing family members. What’s not always so straightforwardly understood, though, is that often when these types of issues seem to show up in your life over and over again the relationship that you have with you may be the underlying culprit.
We tend to allow other people to treat us:
The way we treat ourselves
In accordance with the way we view ourselves, or
The way we think it’s acceptable for ourselves to be treated…
So, when we notice that over and over again we have an issue with others coming into our lives (or remaining in our lives) and having the opportunity to mistreat or dishonor us, it’s important to take a look at our relationship with ourselves and whether or not it in and of itself is actually toxic.
A toxic personal relationship with Self creates a toxic internal foundation that acts like a corrupted computer program. This corruption only serves to maintain and facilitate (creating more of) exactly what its system is built on: toxicity and unhealthy patterns of relating to ourselves and others.
Marie MFT, Licensed Therapist & Certified Coach, Healthier Place, PLLC
I talk to clients in my Self Care SOS Recovery program often who don’t realize this corrupted ‘program’ is running and the extent of damage its doing! Until we start to uncover it, they don’t realize their broken or distorted relationship with themselves is a huge culprit to the external issues and drama they are so tired of dealing with. So they continued dating, making friends, or engaging with coworkers and family and suffering through the drama, discontentment, and frustration wondering “why me?”!!
Within the Self phase of the Self Care SOS Recovery Program, I work with those clients to begin to understand the connection between the issues within their relationships and the faulty programming and nature of their relationship with themselves. I help them explore and understand themselves and how they came to be the way they are, including what they believe and think of themselves related to their self esteem, value, and how they deserve to be treated. It’s not enough to just know what the problem is, so together we uproot that old corrupt programming and lay a new, healthy, empowering foundation based on what we identify they really need and desire.
I teach them skills and give them tools to ensure they can maintain this new foundation despite challenges in how they feel, how others feel, and what others expect from them! We work together closely to do this as we practice things like assertive and effective communication, practical and effective self-love practices, and boundary setting and maintenance.
This kind of work is life changing as they realize the respect and love they crave deep down really is possible and available to them—first from themselves and then from relationships and interactions with others.
What would it mean to you to finally repair the toxic relationship you realize you’ve had with you? What would change in how you feel day to day when the drama, confusion, and disrespect of your relationships with others becomes a thing of the past? When you don’t have to beg for decency and honor anymore? When you don’t have to over explain yourself or plead with someone to treat you with the same goodness that you try to give to them? When you no longer felt obligated to practice unhealthy self-sacrifice and neglect to please others or be there for people who can’t appreciate it? Would you be happier? Could you finally be free of the constant roller coaster of frustration, disappointment, and resentment? Would you have more energy? Could you make more money? Could you actually keep and enjoy more of the money you do make? Would you have more time for yourself and your family? Would you have more time for YOU?
If you long for this to be your reality consider our program! The Self Care SOS Recovery Program (offered by licensed therapy and certified coaching dual practice Healthier Place, PLLC) teaches codependent women how to break up with the toxic relationship they have with themselves and honor their needs and desires so they can experience and maintain the love and respect they crave in their everyday lives. Whether with family, at work, in your relationships, or simply hanging out with friends, you deserve consistent, healthy, reciprocal affection and respect. Complete the referral form at the bottom of any page on our site for a FREE consultation, and let us at Healthier Place, PLLC show you how to make it happen!
P.S. If you can recognize that struggles in your mental health journey has been the wrench that keeps jacking up your efforts to have a healthier relationship with yourself and others, our Mental Illness Recovery in Christ Program would actually be the better and perfect fit for you! The consultation is FREE, of course, for you to receive more information about how we can help you transform yourself and your life and help you step by step along the way. Simply visit our site and complete the referral form at the bottom of any page!
Happy Holidays!
Marie MFT
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